By Mina Wiebe

There’s no doubt in my mind that experiencing live music from a favourite band or singer is awe-inspiring, and for some, life-changing. The rush of hearing the first guitar strum and recognizing the song you sing along to in the car every day on the way to work is a thrill like no other. Nirvana’s 1994 MTV Unplugged in New York album aims to capture this feeling and make it accessible in the best way possible; recorded during a live concert, the album transports the listener to the performance in a way that pre-recorded music simply can’t—and people love it. It was incredibly well received by both fans and critics in its initial 1994 release, not to mention its present-day relevance with a Youtube video of the album’s song “All Apologies” gaining a whopping sixty-nine million views. The listener can experience a Nirvana concert from the comfort of their own home— vocal cracks, audience murmurs, and all.

 “All Apologies” features lead singer Kurt Cobain’s live voice in all its glory; the performance is raspier and noticeably less smooth than the original In Untero album version, and while for other singers this may be an issue leading to inevitable critique and disdain from disappointed fans and critics, for Cobain it actually enhances the intentionally-imperfect murkiness that is 90’s grunge. The beloved subgenre is perfectly encapsulated in this live performance, with Cobain’s throaty singing illuminated by an accompaniment of a slow tempo, fuzzy acoustic strumming and minimal drumming.

In typical grunge Nirvana style, Cobain asks dramatic, angst-fuelled questions in the song such as “[w]hat else could I be?”, and he himself answers the question with an amplified scream:“[a]ll apologies”. The intense sincerity in Cobain’s voice is distinct and genuine, leaving the listener to wonder what Cobain feels the need to apologize for. The fervency behind his vocals leaves little room to question whether this is merely a performance of meaningless lyrics. Cobain appears to sing the song as a message from himself, to himself. He asks, and he himself answers.  

So what does Cobain feel the need to apologize for? One could take into account that this live album was released seven months following the tragic suicide of the singer, and when paired with the raw intensity of the live vocals, the song’s apologetic lyrics become much darker. Without referencing specifics from the singer’s suicide note, it is apparent that he struggled with the guilt of feeling unappreciative of his fans and loved ones. In this live rendition of “All Apologies”, the sincere passion fuelling Cobain’s voice is perhaps his way of delivering what he hopes is a sincere apology to anyone who cares to listen. The live track is successful in relaying this sincerity in a way that only a live performance could. The claps and hollers featured at the end accompanied by Cobain’s casual banter with the audience reminds the listener of the earnestness behind this very human performance. Regardless of the singer’s tragic end, the performance is remarkable in itself, but the added history makes Cobain’s live vocals that more haunting.