By Allesandro Rotondi

Ariana Grande has some bangers, there’s no doubt about that. Tunes like “Into You” and “No Tears Left to Cry” are ahead of the pop curve. However, “Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I’m Bored” is something from a different bag. Her latest album thank u, next was heralded for being made by her in two weeks. Let me rephrase that for you: her ten producers (fact), and umpteen songwriters finished the album in two weeks. Ariana herself probably rolled up to the studio for a hot three days of recording sessions, tracked for fifteen or twenty hours, and called it a night.

Ariana herself is a good singer, respectable performer, and acceptable songwriter (if the tracks accredited to her are trustable), though at times she sounds like Lady Gaga getting over a sinus infection. However, this track has six songwriters and three producers. A name that popped out to me right away was Max Martin. If you don’t know Maxey, he’s the ghostwriting babysitter of every Nickelodeon child actor turned pop superstar. He’s great at writing melodies, but I just can’t get on board. It might be his beard, or perhaps it’s the bubblegum pop about teenage drama and cheap sexual innuendos that he crafts in such an ingenious way. Take Katy Perry’s lyrical masterpiece “Bon Appétit”, for example. However, it’s probably just the beard.

Maxey and Ari’s team stay within their comfort zone and formulaic style. They know what the radio wants, and know where the money’s at. And all the big boys on the top floor of Universal Music love ‘em for it. But from a musical standpoint, this bubblegum is stale, and has been chewed far past its flavourful peak. Kudos to Lady Gaga for going jazz. I hope one day Ariana breaks free of her shackling production team and makes a folk album, or an a capella choral work like her beautifully layered gospel-esque backing vocals on “God is a Woman”.

Finally, my message to you, Ariana: break up with your producers, I’m bored.